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Whoever Said Love Was Easy

I was never looking for a relationship with anyone, I have always been sort of a loner (being alone by myself has never been an issue); not that I had'nt thought about how good or nice it might be to be in one. It came looking for me a couple times and I found myself in a dilemma on what to do or how to deal with it. Seeing many gay and lesbian couples start and finish and with such anger and despair; hating one another for something that one or the other had done. I did not want to find myself in that situation of having to fight with or ignore a past lover because he would be in the same room as me. Halifax is a small town and we have to live with each other in this confined community space.My first partner was a man named "Haze", a good looking and almost as tall as me with his curly black hair; I fell for him almost immediately and he moved in with me a few weeks later. His moving in so quickly was going against every rule I had laid out for myself as rule NO.1 was: date for at least 6 months first. I was sharing an apartment with my freind Wayne at the time in Park Victoria Apartments, it was a nice two bedroom on the fouteenth floor overlooking the fountain in Victoria Park. Wayne accepted Haze as my livein and was happy for me. Things seemed to be going really well for a couple weeks when the sex ended (that never bothered me too much), I thought he was just having bad hair days. Then the talking stopped and or I am tired and going to bed happened a lot. Wayne saw that I was becoming a little bit aggitated at this point and tryed the best he could to comfort me in my silent hurt. I had seen how my anger could get the best of me in straight relationships (not that I ever hit anyone, breaking things was the issue, this time I was going to keep my cool).

After a few days of that, another freind(or was it just someone that wanted to shit disturb) told me about Haze going out on dates with this guy while I was at work at The Turret. I was hurt, I was really mad, I was ready to explode but; I kept my cool. The next day when I got up, Haze was sitting on the couch. I never said a word. I had breakfast. I cleaned the dishes. I cleaned the bathroom. I cleaned the bedrooms. I cleaned the halls and vacumned the rugs in the livinroom, all the while Haze watched and not a word being said. Later, I had supper and got showered, shaved and dressed and ready for work. Before leaving I packed his clothes in his bags and closed the bedroom door setting the bags outside the bedroom door and left for work; still not saying a word. When I came home that night Haze was gone and I was alone, feeling a little empty and exhausted and ready to wake up at a new day. Wayne and I had a teary laugh the next day, he could always make me feel better. Wayne is no longer with us and I miss him so "I miss you Wayne, Why did you have to go?".


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