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As I watched my first episode of QAF, my body started to tremble and a tear came to my eyes as I watched a page that had been ripped from my life being played out before me. This handsome young man who falls for the older mature guy (me the mature guy) who has no other feeling for him except for a quickie. Memories came flooding back.... Good, bad and ugly. I thought I had put these behind me. So I had thought....

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Tammy Sampson 2005 (Wayves (Pandora's Box ))

Hi Reg,

I'm not too sure if you'd remember me by name.

The last time I saw you, you were living and working at the Antiques store. I was living across the street, near the corner , and going to esthetics school as well.

I guess the best way to describe myself from the eighties is blonde, blonde, blonde - I hung out with all of the male hustlers at the time, they liked to call me Madonna (groan!) and, as you so succinctly summed up in your Fag Hag piece, a 'fag hag' (which I never really thought I was - more of a 'fag magnet', if you ask me!). Some of my friends of note are David MacDonald? (Studio - we met when I was fourteen - my first 'initiation') and Kirk Riles (my platonic lover and best friend, who passed away January 13th, 2000. I miss him every day) Mark Boutilier (another best friend, who passed away March 5th, 1990, who I also miss, terribly) and countless hustlers whose names you may or may not not have even known - Sonny (both of them!), Steve, Dave, Jeff, Jimmy, Doug, Mike, Derek, Mickey, etc. - as well as the older guys - Alex, Ray Paris, Bill, Tony... and the list does go on.

I came across your Peanut Butter And Jam Sandwich collection of stories and memories on gay.hfxns and was, honestly, moved to tears and out-loud laughter by some of the things that you wrote. Lots of people who I knew in passing and have thought about over the years, lots of events that I could relate to, ludicrous, tragic, poignant, and unforgettable. You made me temporarily wish I had been born ten years earlier. I'm not sure if you ever truly knew my story or how I came to be involved in the gay community, as we only ever spoke in passing - but here's a snippet:

I was born and grew up downtown at the end of Sackville Street on the waterfront, when it was an established no-man's land in the seventies. I remember walking to school and stopping at the Bean Sprout on Barrington for little cone-shaped paper cups of cold water from the cooler, and the childhood rumours of 'the Bean Sprout is a gay place' (that was an insult back then - "you go to the Bean Sprout!") - led me to believe that hippies and vegetarians were all gay!. Little did I know that it was because The Turret was there, high atop the building that I had walked past and into so many times as a tot. I also remember Paul Lynde being a favourite entertainer of mine as a child (a clear sign, even then!) as well as Madame the marionette (even clearer!) and, thinking back, I believe that I have always had a very early and innate 'queer sensibility'. My immediate family relocated to Spryfield when I was seven and that's when the sexual abuse started. (Why am I telling you this? Because you mentioned something about girls and women seeking out gay boys and men to hang out with because it was usually non-threatening, physically and emotionally. Which, from my experience, is very true. Thank you for nailing that one. And, also, because it's very relevant to my evolution as a member of the queer community in Halifax. Directly or indirectly, I believe it is a big part of what led me to seek out 'queer company'). As a teenager, David introduced me to 'the life', and it was there that I found a place where I could fit in, amongst the misfits and nightlife of the time. Always on the Triangle, always on Spring Garden Road, sometimes panhandling (before it became so fashionable), sometimes just getting high and hanging out, and always turning down the odd trick who felt like swinging my way, or mistook me for a drag queen (the boys didn't help - they liked to tell people that for fun). Somehow I avoided the pitfalls of prostitution and drug addiction, and have maintained HIV- status - the latter being sheer luck, considering my sex partners at the time and the fact that I never chose to be safe, even given what I knew.

I remember you from my earliest days downtown and on the scene simply as "Reg". You were always around, like many, but you meant more to me than many, simply because you were never dismissive of me. Which, at the time and over the years, means a lot. After reading your stories, it occurred to me that I had no idea how many people you knew, how many friends you've had (and subsequently lost), or how you looked when you were a younger man. It struck me that you were a huge part of a scene that predated the era in which I found all of my gay friends, and that there WAS gay life in this city - a lot of gay life! - before the Triangle. And bashing. And HIV/AIDS. Every time I ever ran into you, we had a chuckle, and talked like we'd known each other for years. The ease with which you talked to me was always welcome. You never judged me (the fag hag thing again. There are still plenty of older queens in Halifax that recognize me as this, and I am still a little bitter!) and you never just walked by without stopping for a few minutes. When you worked at Studio, there were lots of conversations over cigarettes and coffee that I remember with fondness.

I apologize for being long-winded, but I was really struck reading your pages and wanted to thank you. I haven't even finished reading it all yet. So much history! I also wanted to say hello. I don't get out much anymore, what with being a grown-up and having grown-up responsibilities, so I only run into my old favourites during Pride or chance meetings at coffee shops. I did finish school, by the way, and now have a career in esthetics (just about to start my own business, actually!), am 35, happily married, somehow have a lot more lesbian friends (!) and am quite settled. I wouldn't change my past for the world, and am happy to have been where I've been and learned what I have, and, as tumultuous as it may have been looking back, I have become a pretty productive and accepting human being, despite my humble beginnings.

I, too, have a lot of stories to tell of my memories of life on the street in the eighties. I write quite a bit in my spare time, and wrote an advisory column for Wayves in the late nineties (Pandora's Box - no wonder nobody wrote to me!). I volunteered for the ACNS from 1997 - 1999. Ben Kozak took me aside at Kirk's funeral after my eulogy, and commended me for saying that Kirk died from complications of HIV - he said "nobody ever says that at funerals... thank you." and I couldn't believe that, still, there was so much silence surrounding something that was, sadly, becoming increasingly more commonplace. I am sorry to learn that you are living with HIV, something I long suspected that you've confirmed in your pages. Thank you for your openness regarding your status, and please - keep fighting it with everything you're got. Thank you, Reg, for your honesty, your sharp memory, and your life and times. I am very moved having read your stories and am glad to have the chance to say hello. Take care of yourself, be proud, and be well.

Tammy xoxo ps. enclosed is a picture so that you know who I am - if none of what I've told you rings a bell.

*I told my husband a few minutes ago that I was writing to you, and he asked, "Reg from the Antiques store?" He's met you once, maybe twice? Just so you know, you leave a lasting impression!*

Hi Reg,

You don’t know me, I might have seen you in the bars in the city but only for the last couple of years. I never lived the straight life [wife and kids] but I other than a sort of relationship when I was a teenager; I have stayed alone all of my life. Now I am over 40 and still attracted to 20 year olds [Twinks] and I want someone to share my life with not just have sex with; I will probably always be alone.

I am totally out now; the last place that no one knew was at work and I told everyone there on Nov. 5th last year. I am a technician at a new car dealership and I have worked there for over 22 years and no one even guessed that I was gay. I don’t fit any of the stereotypes of what most people think gay people are like so they never thought that I was. I know I shocked a lot of people and changed their opinion of what gay people are like. I also shocked my family when I told them and contrary to popular opinion ‘My mother didn’t know’.

I have been reading your website since sometime last summer and I see some of what I should have been experiencing while I was growing up. Most of the people that you talk about; I don’t know who they are but I still have cried more than once reading about them. The one big regret that I have is that I never came out and lived my life for me; instead of wasting it trying to live it to make others happy. Through your writings I can [at least in my mind] experience some of what life could have been like.

Anyway if I haven’t bored you into a coma; the main thing that I want to say here is Thanks for putting your stories up for everyone to read.

Hugs,

Clark

Just finally read all of your story on the web. It is great and brought back quite a few heartfelt memories. When I first came back after AnneMarie? died you were the first person I ran into and gave me a warm hug and we chatted. I felt I had come back home then. I remember fondly the people and the times and how somone said that then we were a close community. But as we got older we went our separate ways and moved on. Its nice to go to a place like your site and be able to say "I remember that or that person". Thanks Reg for the memories and your friendship.

Your friend Lea Roy

Reg , It's a long time ago but that town was good to me. I thought when I started to read " Oh , no, another coming out story" but then I got into it..........If you happen to see Condin tell him hello for me ( Martin Brook ) He likely wont remember but I do !............taa , once again . You stirred some happy memories for me. Btw, am in vancouver these last 18 yrs.

Hi Reg, I just opened your story that you sent me. It is so very funny how we are now looking back to the old days, for I have started thinking about that ever since 1- Queer as Folk started and 2- since I moved back into the towers.

I want to thank you and I feel honoured to be able to read your story. Now, with all that being said, what you have written so far, I could feel the emotion in what you wrote and I know you had thought of things that you did not write yet. I feel there will be alot of emotion to come out of you as you progress and I would like to be one of the people to continue reading your story for I feel you do have alot to say.

As always and your friend

George LeBlanc?

Reg Really enjoyed this first instalment. Describes the Turret as I remember esp. Tommy. Will be looking forward to future instalments. I think you have a lot of experience and insight to offer this project.

Bruce Moore

Interesting read Reg. I particularly liked the picture. A very handsome and dashing young man.

Rev. Darlene Young

Reg..........Rarely do i feel that I have come across a treasure as I cruise gay.com, your site is exactly that. I have bookmarked it so I may visit from time to time and read all that you have written. We all walk through this world in different ways. We all bring with us our own ways of coping and hopefully we are better people when we discover those was and put them into practise. You have found yours. I like what I have read, and may comment more as I go through your work.

Thanks for allowing us to read and enjoy.

Robert

Reg

I am so thrilled to go back down memory lane with you !!!!!! The pictures and memories bring back many many great memories !!!! Remembering those gay picnics !!!!!!! It truly was a special time for many who had the privilege to experience them !!! I know you remember me because you see me often on the street these days and sometimes speak !!!! You need to know that when ever I see you now it takes me back to those days, you were such a mainstay of the Turret, the Turret would not have been what it was without you !!!! For a straight girl who needed to learn to trust men again it was a great place for me do that and when I was ready to step out into the straight world of straight men thanks to all you guys I was truly ready !!!!! Words could never be enough as to how much those times changed my life !!!! Thanks to all the gay men and women during that time that accepted me the straight girl who “ just wanted to have fun” I really don’t know what would have become of me if it weren’t for you guys !!!!!! You were just what I needed at the time and when I was ready to step out and back into my world you all encouraged me and help me go !!!!!

Thankyou Thankyou

Always

Anni Isenor-Culligan

Hey Reg !

What a spin down memory lane! There are still a few of us (from the Turret Days) out here in Vancouver and we luv reminiscing. It was like living in another world. There should be a film done on those times.

I've graduated in photography, and work as a photographer You can check out my site at www.fufufoto.com

I may have some old photos from those days to donate to your site.

All the best;

Peter Trask xo

Dearest Brother: I am very proud of u for writing this and am looking forward to reading more as it gives me a better insight into your world and makes me admire you more for your courage and strength .

Love Always Your sister Florence

Hi there . Was just reading your page. It is very interesting as that is a time in your life when we were not around.Its great to know that you had so many dear friends to be by your side and a place to call home. I will continue reading it as you keep posting it.Proud to be your sister

Love you lots Marilyn

Dear reg A great story thus far, keep talking and telling your story,we here in ontario love you for that. Be you! Still waiting for that great steak bbq you promised us. he! he !

Please ask any of your friends if they knew my brother Blair Mcconnell, he lived in toronto, worked as a social worker and was a great person. He passed with hiv in 1990. Would love to hear some history about him as he kept to himself. We always loved him, but i guess he felt like he wanted to be alone. Bless him, wish he would of talked to us like you, we would of just loved Blair for Blair, still do.

We all are born with labels, it is our spirits that matter, not what other people think.

love always, Lillian, baby brother Ben and Douglas

PS always love you BEN

Sad to say that I was never around during " The Turret" days, but have enjoyed what I've read thus far and look forward to further instalments.

Good going, Reg, keep it up.

K.Cure

I have the song, When The Snow is On the Roses, and it's heart touching. I have decided to read your web site and I find it very touching! It's takes alot of courage to speak out and you have it. I don't back down on any body.. my saying is Life goes on and so do I. Any ways will keep checking your web site out and keep up the good work.

Matt

Thank you for sharing a bit of your life I loved your story I t was my wednesday night entertainment hugs!

Ramiro

Hello Reg !

I've just read all your Peanut Butter and Jam writes. I don't know if you remember me. I used to be known as Tony when I lived in Halifax (1978-80) and danced all those crazy nights at The Turret. I typed your name for a websearch this evening and your memoirs for the Gay Halifax pages came up. I remember when I first met you in 1978 when you started coming to the Turret. I remember Wayne also. Sorry that he is dead. Also Clyde Richardson. Do you know where Dene Roach is ? or Norman Pembrau ? I see Emerald sometimes around town here (Fredericton). A month or so ago I saw him one Saturday a.m. at a yard sale close to where I live. He mentioned your name, don't know if he had seen you in Halifax recently, or what.

Keep well.

Anthony

Well Reg I thought that it was time I sent you a missive in writing. In particular I was caught by a couple of mentions of how things have changed (or not) depending on ones view. From where I stand there have been major changes(mainly for the worse). Back in the day that you are writing about there was a sense of community (good or bad), it existed. Taking a philosophical look back, I remember three general groups who comprised our community. We had the younger crowd, the mid age crowd and the older crowd. It seems to me that the mid group served as a bridge between both groups and as a result most people came to either know or be aware of most other people in the community. Unfortunately along came the eighties and the advent of A.I.D.S, this pandemic seemed to attack what I call the "bridge group". The end result of this seemed to be a division of young and old that is only closed by waving a couple of twenty dollar bills around. Now, not to only fault the younger crowd because some of the older guys are not doing much to help develope any community feeling by sitting on gaycom hopeing and begging for sex. All I can say is, if people want to see improvements in the status quo, then you have to get up and do something to improve it and getting laid ain't the only way to identify with being gay.

Chris Shepherd

Reg Very impressed with the wonderful memories of our days and nights at the Turret, those memories were so far the best years of my life,because of The Turrets atmosphere and the people who were and acted like family , who stuck through good times and bad times that partied there.Its nice that you are doing this, just to remined us all of those wonderful memories and how close everyone was back then, so thanks Reg for The memories.

Sincerely

Bill ( Miss Iris )

I'm glad I took the time to read your web page,very well done.Not being apart of that era,reading your thoughts made me feel like I was there. Well Done

Peter Stuckless

Reg I want to congratulate you on your recollections of early gay Halifax. I just couldn’t stop reading till the end. Now I’m hungry for more. You were so accurate; it jogged my own memories so I too was reliving them as you wrote. By the way, I was the one with the rubber dingy (remember I called it the SS Zelco Queen because I bought it at Zellers especially for the picnic in 1981 at Cow Bay.

As for the one story you wrote about “Jim” from Vancouver, I remember it well. Still, I don’t hold it against you that you got him, though I did resent it for awhile at the time.

I’d love to correspond with you to reminisce about our combined memories. We’d probably be able to remind each other of many more stories others would be fascinated by. Again, I was enraptured with your writing. Please continue it. Best of luck with your health & your happiness.

Jim DeYoung?

Reg Last week when I walked into the store , I overheard someone reminescing about the Turret and while stretching my neck to see who it was, I stumbled and did a face plant on the floor, dizzy old queen that I am. It was so nice to see a face from so many years ago when I was a student at Dal. I have read your website and it brought back many memories such of which I will never forget and some that I would like to forget.

One night after the Turret's bar closed a gaggle of us "girls", including Ginger, flagged down a cab heading to Terry and Willie's apartment at the Park Victoria. Ginger who crawled into the front seat told the cabbie as only Ginger could "Take us to the whorehouse of the Maritimes".. The cabbie responded "the PV?"

On another occasion a friend of mine, Robert B., found out that I had a weak moment (drunk) and had ended up in the sheets with an undesirable. No one has secrets in Halifax. He didn't stop until he arrived at our apartment on Larch Street the very next day spinning around in a dizzie twirl as he entered the house, came into the bedroom and whacked me right across the face. Some readers will know of whom I speak. Robert is super precious to me. I deserved the smack.

And finally on the day of my graduation (I didn't attend) I picked lilacs from some house's lilac bush on Larch Street and swished down Spring Garden Road that evening on my way to the Turret presenting them to John Marr at the front desk who took a drag on his cigarette and said "How lovely. Where'd ya steal them from?"

Great stories on your website. Loved the photos especially of Tommy Miller. He once slapped Tony McD?. in the face when Tony laughed at him when he slipped on the staircase and went down on his arse at the Turret when doing "Hey Big Spender".

Taking up so much space. See you next time I venture back to Maritimes. The Cherubs look just lovely in my half bath. They are so gay.

Owen

Hi Reg What can I say? What a f...... depressing story of stories!! I am so glad I read it. Although I've known you for allot of years, I came to discover that I really didn't know you at all. Although on the surface, this wasn't meant to be so depressing, just thinking about what was and what now is, is depressing in its self. The state of the gay community is in a shambles. You said that the more things change, the more they stay the same. Very little has stayed the same. Very much has changed for the worse. The gay community seems to have become a very narrow closed minded accumulation of people.

The new online cruising rage. This has to be the worst form of cruising I have ever seen. In the past, a person cruised on foot, in cars, on bicycles, in trees (The story lives on). Everybody was judged on ones true merits, looks behavior, mannerisms, whatever it is that makes a person interested in another. Today, a person has been reduced to 40, brown, blue, 5-9, 145 and sometimes 7cut. Right off the bat, the 40 eliminates most people regardless of the person behind the number. No regard for young 40 or really old 40. Lets just go one farther with this and assume that information is even correct. Exactly how old IS that picture????.

I was also saddened when I read about people I have known in the past that I have totally lost contact with. Allot of people mentioned I may not have personally known but still the mention of their name brings up memories.

I realize that its totally improper to live in the past, but I can't help thinking that they were much better days. I too remember many a nights, or mornings as it were leaving the hill only when the tourists started arriving. Not once cruising, but enjoying the company of friends and acquaintances.

Thank you for the trip down memory lane.

Kevin Shaw

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