Respond To Homophobia

How do you respond to homophobic abuse by others without coming off as a total douche? A list of scenarios and responses would be nice.

Someone Assumes You're Straight

Someone Calls You a Fag

Obviously, not if they're trying to pick a fight. The idea is to diffuse the situation, not to make it come to blows. I'm sure you'll get some street cred over at the gay bars, but in real life you might want to consider choosing your battles.

You get clubbed in the head