This is part of the SpeakingOfArticles; a series of funny and informative articles by Simon Sheppard

Speaking of Food

Sausage, nuts, buns, cream ... they sure can satisfy a hungry man. Few things are as delicious as good food or good sex. And there can be steaming hot connections between what's on the dinnner plate and who's in bed.

So why is food so sexy? At a basic level, there's the good ol' search for oral gratification. We're born as sucking animals, and many of us still are: gay men and blow jobs go together like corned beef and cabbage. Like eating good food, swallowing another man's meat is a way of incorporating him, taking him into you. It's a throwback, in a way, to when mother's milk provided life, an intense feeling that explains the near-obsessive love many of us have for giving head. Then there's that protein-laden dessert; like eating bacon and eggs, eating cum is not without risks, though current science suggests that the HIV risk from swallowing ejaculate is fairly low.

On the other hand, eating can be as erotic as a blowjob. Some foods, like oysters, pine nuts, and cayenne pepper, have a reputation as lust-inducing aphrodisiacs. The FDA has stated that there's no evidence that any food actually has horny-making powers, and it's obvious that some foods got their reputation on looks alone, like the cucumber and the banana. Still, chocolate contains phenylethylamine, a chemical scientifically linked with the feelings of being in love; such was chocolate's erotic reputation that centuries ago, some monasteries reportedly banned it. And some foods, like a juicy peach, succulent papaya, or a big dollop of whipped cream, just _seem_ sexy.

If eating is erotic, so is feeding. "I love to make dinner for someone who's hot," says a sexy chef. "Just watching him wrap his sexy lips around something I've cooked is so sexy. And when I'm really into it, I like feeding him from my hand, or even from my own mouth."

Once the evening moves from the dinner table to the bedroom, food can be an edible sex toy. That sexy whipped cream tastes even more delicious when licked from a boyfriend's dick. "I remember one date who laid me down and spread strawberry jam on my nipples, then sucked it off," says one man. "Sounds kind of goofy, but it was surprisingly sexy."

As nice as food on skin can be, some guys don't stop there. Many a man has at least thought of getting plowed by perishables. Cucumbers, carrots, even Chinese eggplants have made their way up butts. This sort of dinnertime dildo isn't a great idea, though. Anything inserted in the ass should be shaped so it can't slip all the way in, and a lost zucchini just can't be easily removed. Hard vegetables like carrots can damage the anal lining, too.

And then there's actually fucking food; apple pie gained a nasty new reputation thanks to a hit film. Guys being guys, we've probably jacked off with everything from soup to nuts, or at least from a palmful of peanut butter (smooth, please) to a fistful of Miracle Whip.

Clearly, there's more on a menu than the diet special. So the next time a gourmet hottie asks "What's for dinner?" you might give him a choice of hot dogs or buns. And by all means don't, as the old joke goes, let your meat loaf.