12 years ago today…

Ben, my partner of 10 years, was run down by a drunk driver in a crosswalk, while walking our dog Theo. Neither survived. They were family.

My life changed that day.

What no one else knew…

At the time of the accident, I was making plans to relocate to Ontario. I had convinced myself (and told everyone else) that the move was so I'd have better job prospects - which was certainly quite true.  However, the real reason for the move I couldn't even admit to myself before the accident … I wanted a chance at rekindling my relationship with Ben who had moved to Ottawa after we split. Despite having broken up four years earlier, we still loved each other.

Over the year before the accident Ben had started dropping hints to me about "us": something that I had a hard time believing at first, since he was the one who had given up on "us" before the breakup. However, four years had passed, and we both had time to heal and grow, and on his last visit to Halifax I was so moved by how much he had changed… how much he had grown.

So when I suddenly got downsized out of my job in January of 2005, I decided that same day that moving to Ontario (for "work") was what I needed to do. Ben was the first I told of my plans, and he responded by forwarding job leads… But before I could make that move … he was gone.

Ben was not my first love, nor my last, and I hope I find love again. However, today I cannot NOT think on him, on what might have been, and mourn him once more.

Miss you Tiger... (and Theo too...)
Love as always,
B.B.