Q. Tell me about
yourself?
I have never truly answered anyone in over
fifty years. Should you like to take the time I want to attempt to answer it
now?
Denise has spent a
little over 50 years learning things that enabled her to survive and support a
family. During that time I have been an honest and upright citizen who truly
attempted to never lie or steal from anyone. Yet to survive this world you
know, I indirectly lied since even though I have known me since a small child,
I never acted on the truth. When I was 50 my mother told me that she and my
father knew I was different by the time I was four years old.
In 58 years I have
accomplished many things. By age of twelve I had two small mildly profitable
businesses and by eighteen I had been a milkman, gas pump attendant, Shipyard
worker and become a fully qualified meat cutter as well as worked in a shoe
warehouse for three months. 2 months
before my eighteenth birthday I joined the British forces, more to runaway from
me than be in the military. I was a professional dog trainer and since animals
were one thing I related to, it was a work I loved.
By the age of twenty
four I had attained qualifications of Meat cutter, Dog trainer and Heavy goods
driver and after working with the SAS for a year, was one of those early
mud-boggers that could drive a Landrover in a mud bog
or sand dune at over sixty miles an hour in relative safety. Today’s youth think they invented that sport,
smile.
I faced two lifelong
challenges and had to make a decision, should I first discover Denise, and
secondly to have my own children. The desire to have my own children was so
powerful that I chose to ignore the other since doing the first would make the
other impossible. I literally did a thorough marketing job for a woman who I
felt would make a perfect mother. It was one of the best jobs I ever did. We
were married three months when I explained as much as I knew about me to my
spouse, a woman that I had by then fallen deeply in love with.
She chose to stay and
we worked through many issues in our 34 years plus. Yet despite money problems,
sickness and family deaths, we have never had a fight and I have never
physically abused her or my children, all of whom I love dearly. I received an honourable discharge from the
military due to a curvature of the spine and worked in two jobs, both of which
I was successful and in which my bosses were disappointed when I left.
Since we emigrated 2
years after getting married it has been an interesting and at times difficult
time. Since arriving I have attained and /or worked in the following job
skills. Semi professional ceramic tiler, Plastic factory machine operator, Debt
collector, Meat cutter, Insurance salesman, Rawleigh man, woods cutter and in
1983 I started my own print shop which had tremendous potential but
unfortunately Denise was causing me a fair bit of dysphoria. Regardless of
that, I succeeded in providing for my children and built up in addition, two
community newspapers serving a total of 8500 homes as well as running the print
shop and for three years I also and at the same time held a full time security
position in addition to the printing and publishing. My spouse was tremendous
help in-putting information for me so I could do sales and layout, often during
meals and calls to clients while traveling. It was certainly an interesting
period. We both knew for several years that I had to transition if I wanted
grow or even survive. I had lived for my children and spouses sake but they
needed me less and less and keeping myself so busy that I had no time to think,
was getting less and less effective. With a tremendous
amount of personal support from my family (My children never knew until I told
them in 1999) I started transition. After a minor operation in late 1999 I
ripped the surgery inside apart and bled for three days before knowing. This
led to further surgery and then the worst blood poisoning case I ever want to
see. I was one full year recovering and
lost the business and became poorer than I ever thought possible, spending over
nine months on welfare. During this time I took my GED and received a 94
percentile.
My parents requested
I come home for a visit (I had not been home for sixteen years) and sent the
airfare. I never was allowed to see that my Father was dying. Two months after
my return he passed away. I finished
transition while recouping my health. As Denise I worked as a Cleaner at the
Airport for six months to build me up physically and obtain female work
experience, than went back home to visit my mother as soon as we could raise
the money. This was another emotional time since my father was not there and
this was Denise’s first time in
So here I am again,
looking for meaningful work and somewhere that I can share what I know, grow
and just live. I have always been a people person, and get on equally well with
seniors or children. It has been people’s preconceived ideas that have greatly
prevented me from even having the opportunity to prove myself.
At the present time I
also do a presentation on “Transgender
Workplace Solutions.” My MTWSP web
page will read when complete,
“Knowledge is power that used wisely
brings harmony”.
MTWSP is an outreach to medical, educational and industrial
organizations to educate management on transgender issues in the work place
from their (non-transgendered) perspective.
My personal e-mails
read,:
“I never was the man you thought you
knew,
I will never be the woman I know I am
but
I will always be me.”