Comments From Readers

A Special Letter, That Made It All Worthwhile

On February 07/05, Seven days before my 51rst birthday I woke up and did my usual routine of checking my site for visitors and then when I checked my email, I received a letter that was so unexpected. I had to wait for an extra hour before going to work because I cried, I read it many times; over and over.

This the best birthday present in a long time. Just knowing that the love and the care is still there All be it changed

The comments from the readers have in many ways become an intrical part of my story and even though this one is so personal, it still tells part of the story I pondered whether I should post the letter or not and decided yes; I must ! I feel it deserves a special place. A spot all of its own.

From Email

Subject: Re: guess who...

Hey there.... a bit surprised? no, I haven't forgotten about you.

Home today with a cold that's been a month or more in saying good bye. last night, awake on the couch with so many thoughts of the past. Took a hop onto and wow...there was your nick. honestly, it threw me for a minute or two. I signed off, but checked out your website.... you've been doing some writing...

Well, I was a bit curious about what you had to say...what was in...what was out... particularly as of my thoughts last night. I was in tears by the end. you don't know how many times, how many years I had longed to hear some of those things. how different things could have been!

I still have dreams about you occasionally...fond ones. even after all this time, all that happened back then, and since then, I do still love you, Reg. don't get me wrong... I'm not running back and things will turn out as they should have years ago. I do still love you...but in your own words 'things were never quite the same'.

Sorry I haven't been in touch. I guess there are times when I'm still angry with you for things. I've sold my place in Toronto. I'm living in london, UK at the moment. I have a new partner. We have a house in north London. I'm doing a masters degree here in psychotherapy and counselling. I'm still getting used to being here and not being in Canada. Canada is my home. its a great place to live. sometimes I wonder where I will wind up. Halifax has a lot of ghosts and I think maybe I need to face up to them at some point, who knows.

You are often on my mind. I wonder how you are keeping. I wonder if you still think about me. I can still cry about those times. It seemed our drama would never end at times. some times were so good...and other times hurt me to the very roots of my heart and soul. I had to leave. I had to find a way past that hurt. Do I blame you for anything? At one time, I did. I've lived more now. I've learned more. I've made plenty of my own mistakes and bad choices. No, I don't blame you, things just were as they were at the time. perhaps its most important to hold on to those feelings of love-- they must have meant something special or they wouldn't still be alive. you will always be held in a special, loving place in my heart and memory. no, I'm not saying good bye... just had to write and let you know-- so many times I wondered what it was that you couldn't say to me. So many times I knew what it was that I wanted to hear. Thank you for having said them, finally, in your way.

Write back if you like. I will be down that way near the end of march. Perhaps we might meet up and go over some of those times. Perhaps there are still some things that we might need to say to each other. Perhaps now we can both find that courage.

Well, will send this off. Hope it doesn't come across as too sentimental and melodramatic. If it is, well that is part of me. Better get this off before I decide to re-read and change.

Hope this finds you well. Hope this touches you and brings you some peace. Thanks for sharing those things you wrote about.

Love Trent

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